Sad news.
My father passed away December 30th. Shortly after posting my previous notes of the Holiday. I was in shock as you can imagine, but more concerned over who was taking care of the arrangements.
My parents divorced over 15 years ago, and in that time my relationship with my father had it's good and bad. He apparently had another women on the side, one who my mother believes, he has been seeing even before my mom and dad where married. In any case, this women and her children (I don’t know if we are related, and could give a fuck) had already made arrangements for services with out the input of my sister, my brother or I.
In hindsight, mom tells me to think about it this way; we're off the hook. We don't have to go thru all that horrible mess. And not that this other family is of any help getting us the information about the rosary, Mass and burial. Being the Capricorn that I am, as well as the oldest, I have to be in control. So the fiancé and I have decided to use our college educated mines and worked backwards with the tiny bit of information we had.
My sister was on a flight here to So.Cal when I got the call. When she arrived at my mother’s house, I broke the news to her and her husband. Granted we are still in a bit of shock, but our lives with our father could have been better if he had been forthcoming about this other women. Not that we wanted to meet her and her children, but at least let us know that she was in his life. My brother commented that at least she was there when my father passed. And with all things considered, she did call one of us with this news. She could have just put my dad in the ground and that would be that.
Tonight is the rosary, and there is a good chance that I will be meeting these people for the first time. I know that my sister wants nothing to do with them at all. The thought of seeing them makes her sick. There is lots of drama there. I've heard thru my mom that one of the girls of this women, would call my sister and torment her, telling her that my dad loved them more than her. That she would never become anything in her life......sorry to say that my sister has a Maters from Harvard.... and works in D.C..........
My brother is a bit fragile right now and needs to have as much support around him. He is very intelligent and very active mind; it's just that his dyslexic gets in his way a bit. Of all he has been very rational about all of this. He agrees that after this point, there should be no contact with these people what so ever. If dad left be hind a will, them take his photo archives and leave everything else. We would be stronger buy taking less and giving up more. We've already had control taken from us, but what we've gained is the fact that we're humble.
As for me, I would like to think that my dad had no malice in doing what he did. We had talked a few years ago and he apologized to my sister, brother and I about what he had done. He wanted to take it all back it he could. I told him that he can't and needed to forgive himself for what he did. You can't live in the past. You will never make it into the future. I told him that he fucked up. He could have had everything and more. Instead, he got to see his three kids graduate college, from the sidelines. Don’t get me wrong, he was at all of our graduations, and proud of all of us, but I think deep down inside he missed being apart of our lives.
I will post in a few days, after I get a chance to settle back in to life.
My parents divorced over 15 years ago, and in that time my relationship with my father had it's good and bad. He apparently had another women on the side, one who my mother believes, he has been seeing even before my mom and dad where married. In any case, this women and her children (I don’t know if we are related, and could give a fuck) had already made arrangements for services with out the input of my sister, my brother or I.
In hindsight, mom tells me to think about it this way; we're off the hook. We don't have to go thru all that horrible mess. And not that this other family is of any help getting us the information about the rosary, Mass and burial. Being the Capricorn that I am, as well as the oldest, I have to be in control. So the fiancé and I have decided to use our college educated mines and worked backwards with the tiny bit of information we had.
My sister was on a flight here to So.Cal when I got the call. When she arrived at my mother’s house, I broke the news to her and her husband. Granted we are still in a bit of shock, but our lives with our father could have been better if he had been forthcoming about this other women. Not that we wanted to meet her and her children, but at least let us know that she was in his life. My brother commented that at least she was there when my father passed. And with all things considered, she did call one of us with this news. She could have just put my dad in the ground and that would be that.
Tonight is the rosary, and there is a good chance that I will be meeting these people for the first time. I know that my sister wants nothing to do with them at all. The thought of seeing them makes her sick. There is lots of drama there. I've heard thru my mom that one of the girls of this women, would call my sister and torment her, telling her that my dad loved them more than her. That she would never become anything in her life......sorry to say that my sister has a Maters from Harvard.... and works in D.C..........
My brother is a bit fragile right now and needs to have as much support around him. He is very intelligent and very active mind; it's just that his dyslexic gets in his way a bit. Of all he has been very rational about all of this. He agrees that after this point, there should be no contact with these people what so ever. If dad left be hind a will, them take his photo archives and leave everything else. We would be stronger buy taking less and giving up more. We've already had control taken from us, but what we've gained is the fact that we're humble.
As for me, I would like to think that my dad had no malice in doing what he did. We had talked a few years ago and he apologized to my sister, brother and I about what he had done. He wanted to take it all back it he could. I told him that he can't and needed to forgive himself for what he did. You can't live in the past. You will never make it into the future. I told him that he fucked up. He could have had everything and more. Instead, he got to see his three kids graduate college, from the sidelines. Don’t get me wrong, he was at all of our graduations, and proud of all of us, but I think deep down inside he missed being apart of our lives.
I will post in a few days, after I get a chance to settle back in to life.
posted by Romantic Sex Addiction at 8:27 AM
6 Comments:
RSA, I wish I could give you a big hug. You seem to have a controlled grip on things at the moment.
Don't let this eat you up. We can't pay for the sins of our fathers, quite literally.
Hopefully in a few days you will start the long healing process.
So sorry for your loss! We will keep you in our thoughts!
Andi and Chris
I too am sorry for your loss.
My Dad passed away this time of year five years ago...of course there are always issues, but you get through everything.
I hope that there are some fond memories that can comfort you your time of sadness.
Thoughts to your family
Debbie
RSA--- It's difficult. Our hearts go out to you and your family. My mother passed away in the early morning hours of January 1, 2005. I had to take care of all of the arrangements, etc. because my Dad was in a state of shock. They were married over 63 years.
Time does heal. Memories don't fade unless you let them.
Take care.
Bud and "The Wife"
P.S. I apologize for the previous 2 deletions. They were posts before I was done.
Im sorry about your loss
So sorry to hear of your loss...I wish there was something more I could say. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and the pain that is in your heart. You're in my prayers.
Hugs
Des
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